Why January Is Hard (and Why You Shouldn’t Take It Personally)
For many people, January is difficult not because they’re failing, but because the context is demanding.
January magnifies what’s already been hard, especially when expectations are at their highest.
January is supposed to feel hopeful. So much chat about fresh starts, clean slates. There’s a cultural script that demands we bring new energy.
But for many people, it’s one of the hardest months of the year.
If January feels heavy, flat or emotionally confronting, this is about context – not about you. Don’t take it personally!
Why January can feel so hard
Depending on where we live, January places very different demands on us. But I’ve come to notice the emotional effects are remarkably similar.
In the southern hemisphere, January often brings:
– the sudden return to work after long summer holidays
– the loss of structure that usually keeps us steady
– heightened social comparison when everyone else appears relaxed, having better holidays than you
In the northern hemisphere, January looks different but presents different challenges:
– cold, short, dark days
– isolation and low energy
– the drag of winter still stretching ahead
Having lived in both hemispheres, and with a January birthday, I can tell you that wherever I’ve lived, it’s sometimes felt like the hardest month to feel I’ve got right.
Add to that the immense cultural pressure to reset, improve and transform — diet plans, new exercise regimes, Dry January, productivity goals, a whole “new you”. Combined with less routine, more comparison and rising expectations, we’ve created the perfect conditions for January to bite.
Consider the wider context - don’t take it personally
If you’re struggling in January – wondering why you don’t feel more motivated, consider the wider context.
January strips away many of the buffers that help us cope. Routines slacken or disappear, busyness drops, distractions fade. What’s left is whatever has been waiting underneath.
Exhaustion, disillusionment, uncertainty, loneliness, disappointment and questioning - these things don’t suddenly arrive in January, they just get louder when there’s less noise around them. All these confusing feelings aren’t a sign that you’re failing; they’re a sign you’re responding to a demanding context.
January magnifies what’s missing
One of the hardest aspects of January is contrast. When the world around you looks carefree on ads and in our social feeds, when memories of different/better/easier times fill our heads, our own struggles sharpen. All the chat about resolutions and fresh starts only widens the gap between how you feel and what you expect you ‘should’ feel.
This can be particularly true for people dealing with any type of loss, illness or recovery, separation or redundancy, infertility, empty nesting or any other major life transition. January has a way of spotlighting the difference between the life you’re living and the life you expected or hoped for.
It’s just another month after all
One of the most unhelpful myths about January is that change must be immediate and all-encompassing. Remember, you don’t have to solve everything, start everything or change everything.
January is, after all, just another month. And change only has impact if it’s sustained.
For many people, the real work of January isn’t optimisation. Instead, I’ve come to think of it as a stepped process: first acknowledging that it can be a tough month and noticing the confusing thoughts that arise; then looking back at last year’s diary and photos to spot the highlights; identifying just two goals for the year ahead (one personal, one professional); and filling out my Things to Look Forward To calendar making sure I’m building on last year’s highlights and making plans around the people, places, events, practices and goals that will bring out the best in me.
Instead of giving up, I want you to focus on doing more of what makes your heart sing.
This month has a way of exposing the emotional load many of us quietly carry. Responding with kindness, realism, acceptance and patience is the best way forward.
If you’re after a deeper reflection on why January can be especially hard during periods of loss and transition, you might also like this recent piece I wrote for the Sydney Morning Herald.
However this year begins for you, it doesn’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. Sometimes the most important work of January is simply finding a way to keep going – gently, honestly, at your own pace. And reminding yourself it’s just another month like any other.
