Abi's Dots: The Story Behind These Symbols of Hope and Resilience
Some of you have asked me about the brightly coloured dots that grace the cover of my new book, the back of my phone and the tattoo on my arm. They've come (and gone!) a long way over the years. By that I mean, their meaning and purpose has evolved since their original use, and they've travelled - boy, they've travelled - far and wide.
[The photo shows some of the dots posted and tagged #abisdots on Instagram.]
How Abi's Dots Began
They began life when our beautiful 12-year old daughter, Abi, died. When we were faced with the horrific task of choosing a coffin for her and making the funeral somehow less morbid and more fitting of her. You can read about how our friend, and Abi's clever creative godmother, Lexi, came up with the idea in a blog I wrote just five months after the girls' death here.
Back then, Abi's dots were all about Abi - colourful reminders of her and her vibrancy - and people displaying them to support us in our grief. A way to show us she wasn't forgotten, to acknowledge our loss and do something to ease the collective pain. In that previous blog I shared just how much that meant to me, the strength I derived from seeing them, the unexpected connections they brought as people spread them across the world, sharing their new locations on Instagram, tagging them #abisdots.
What Abi's Dots Mean Today
But over the years my relationship with them has changed. And recently I've begun to give them out to audiences who come to listen to me speak. Because I want them to be about something more than Abi, something less acutely personal, with a wider message instead. I want them to remind people of who and what matters to them. They're not only about Abi - even for me nowadays - but something bigger. They've come to symbolise a collective acknowledgment that life isn't a bed of roses, that we all experience tough times, and we all need something - a symbol - to remind us of what's important, and to give us hope that, if we keep putting one foot in front of the other, we truly can find our way to better days ahead.
So, I give them out at the end of my talks, asking people to close their eyes and think for a moment about their own lives and the people who make it richer. Who and what matters most to you? It's a simple question. One that can take a lifetime to answer. But one, I believe, we all need to ponder every day, here and now. There is no right or wrong answer: the answer can be big and small; it might change over time; but it needs to be about you and who and what you care for.
Joining the Movement
Handing them out has become important to me for another reason entirely. Doing so is more than just a reflection exercise at the end of a talk. It's an act of community-building. When I give someone a dot, I'm not just sharing a small vinyl sticker. I'm giving them a part of everything I've learned - that life is short and oh so precious - and I desperately want them to realise this. It's not about me. It's about them. I'm inviting them into something - a quiet but conscious movement of people who get my message, and are committing, deliberately and continually, to keep what matters most in view. People who understand that life can be hard, that grief and loss come for all of us in different forms, and that among all the noise and busyness, are using their dots to stay focused on who and what really counts.
If you'd like to be part of that movement, follow Dr Lucy Hone on Instagram at @drlucyhone or sign up to her newsletter for bite-sized guidance on finding better days ahead. And if you already have a dot - wherever it is and however you came by it - I'd love to know what it symbolises for you. Share a photo, tag me @drlucyhone and use #abisdots. Let's share the love and light these dots bring.
